Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Everyone in this world wants to be loved and feel love and most even want to give love to someone else.  But where should that love come from or be learned?  According to a recent survey from Glamour Magazine, the average person today waits less than two months to begin seriously dating after marriage separation, or a divorce and nearly 50% already began dating before the separation or divorce even began.  This is because they began planning their exit before announcing the end of their current relationship.  Why?  Because the world and your friends will tell you that you need to move on and the best way to do that is to replace that person you aren’t happy with. But in reality all we do is spread our hurts, scars, sin and pain to others and even pass on the demons that plague us to them and they get passed around like a virus.   I guess maybe that is why the divorce rate of second and third marriages is nearly 75%….  Think about how many lives are twisted up and how many “adjustment periods” we make others endure for our “happiness” and desires?  In contrast, have you ever wondered what God’s plan is for us to fall in love again and how it should happen?  I did and I can tell you that His plan for those who know, Love and follow God is far better than the world’s plan.  So what is that plan?

God’s Plan to Love Again

“We want to be rescued from our pain and suffering immediately but God has other plans.  See, He knows that if He rescued you immediately, you would miss the life changing transformation that He has for you as He leads you through the wilderness and turns you back to the person He made you to be”.

Dr. Tony Evans


That quote from Tony Evans is so powerful because when all you want to do is seek to get out of or get rid of the pain or loneliness you feel, we will always turn to the wrong people and wrong things and even repeat the exact same mistakes from the past that in part led us to where we are; in pain. Look at what Peter did after Jesus died (John 21).  Jesus was very clear to the disciples that their mission was to take the Gospel to all the world. But instead, Peter lied, forsook the Lord and Savior 3 times and even went back to his sinful lifestyle of fishing with the boys instead of doing God’s will for Him. We do the same thing even to this day.  We return to the lustful, sinful ways of “new” relationships that really are the same old ones because we, like Peter, miss what we had and want to replace it (Proverbs 26:11).  Perhaps this is why many years later Peter said this very same thing when he wrote the book of (2Peter).  Thankfully God loves us so much that He went after Peter and rescued Him once again from his past.  I believe His love did the same thing for me so that I didn’t return to my mess.  He called Peter by his old name “Simon son of John” so that Peter would recognize that He went back to his old ways.  What would God call you now?  And now, like Peter, God wants all of us who know this truth to tell others so they may avoid the traps the evil one sets for us.  Could you forgive Peter who lied about you, denied even knowing you, watched you get crucified and did nothing, and then went back to the sinful ways you rescued him from?  Jesus did and that is the model of love from God. What he wants for us is to love the unlovable (Luke 6:27-28).

I had a man of God one time tell me emphatically that “We will never ever be satisfied in this world, until you fall more and more in love with Jesus Christ every single day that you live and less in love with yourself”. This is the “die to yourself” mantra of Christians that I always hated to hear and I always thought sounded silly and unrealistic, and I never ever understood what that truly meant until the last two years of my life. A marriage counselor or psychologist of this world will tell you that you need to put yourself first, do tons of “self-care”, do what makes you happy, and do what makes you feel good. I even had multiple friends over the years share that their marriage counselor encouraged the married couple to date other people so that they could see what was out there.  Not a surprise that those marriages ended when they followed sinful and ungodly advice (Matthew 19:6). Those counselors will get to answer for that advice some day.  Trust me.   Sadly taking care of us first most of the time comes at the expense of those closest to you like your children.  God says the opposite.   You must die to yourself, pick up your cross and follow God (Matthew 16:24-26).  You cannot serve two masters.  You either will follow and love the ways of the world or love and follow God ( Matthew 6:24) I’m so glad that I for the first time in my life chose God and others over myself because when everybody I knew stopped calling and texting overnight even though for nearly 2 decades they called me friend or family, there was Jesus. When allegations were made and rumors were running wild, there was Jesus. When my kids were told or saw things they never ever should have to hear, there was Jesus.  When injustice was delivered for a short period of time, there was Jesus.  And most importantly, when I was forced to come to grips with the sinful man that I was, where I fell so short,  and that I needed more humility than most people will ever know or feel, there was Jesus to pull me out of darkness.  In this world, people will tell you if someone breaks your heart or isn’t treating you right just go find somebody new and move forward. Their first response is “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I’d be a millionaire and you would never hear from me again because I’d be living on a secluded private island with my kids and I. The reality is we have to come to the conclusion that no one person can ever meet all of our needs and will never ever be capable of satisfying all of the things that we desire in this world (1John 4:16).  Our hearts and our minds need to crave and desire Jesus first, not people and things.

God’s Way is Always Better

22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

2 Timothy 2:22-26

Jesus is here to deliver us from the lie of this world.  God does a perfect job of outlining what the perfect marriage and relationships should look like in His word (1 Corinthians 7) but before we can even get there and before you are even ready to be with someone, God had to take me back to the very beginning to show me what pushing the reset button would look like.  In the beginning God created Adam first.  He gave Adam very clear rules (Genesis 2:17), responsibilities (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:15) and ensured that Adam had a righteous relationship with God first and foremost by talking to and being with Him daily (Genesis 3:8).   Only when Adam understood his job, God’s rules, was righteous in the eyes of God, and was completely content being alone and wasn’t coveting other things (Genesis 2:21) did the Lord make him a “helper” that he could love and marry (Genesis 2:4-3:24).  But because of their sin, the world has made us believe that we do not need to follow this process of putting God first, becoming righteous in Gods’ eyes (repenting for all our sins and giving up those sins forever) and then letting God hand deliver that right person to us.  We think we can fire up an app, go to the bars, even date more than on person at time so we “make sure which one we like more”, and God forbid even introduce our children to some of these people so that we can feel comfortable and not lonely anymore.  That leads our children to see this sinful model of the world and rest assured they will repeat it in their lives if they don’t know the truth.  The sad reality is that all of these behaviors lead to even more sin such as living in sin without being married, fornication with others that are not our spouse, not fulling committing to anyone so that you can cut and run when not happy, and even lining up someone else to replace the current person so that there is no “down time” or loneliness.  All of these behaviors lead to generational curses that our children and grandchildren will inherit because of our sin.  Ask me how I know this to be true and I will share some personal testimony with you.  I know that my role and God’s will for me is to do it His way and model that for my children so they do not repeat the same mistakes and I take this very seriously.


When Adam and Eve didn’t follow God’s law and ways, chaos and death occurred in their life and that of their children and their children’s children yet somehow we are arrogant enough to think that it wont happen to us and we can do it our way without reproach.  I want to challenge you with something that God forced on me (because I would have been to arrogant to accept this challenge).  Instead of focusing on me and my wants and my pain and loneliness, He placed upon me a situation where my kids needed me more than I ever needed ANYTHING in this world at the time and that I needed to fight for them.  It forced me to stop thinking about me and only thanking God for them and asking for Him to deliver my children and I.  And He did in a way that only God can.  It changed me so much that they are still first in my life behind God.  God honored my obedience to His ways so much that nearly 2 years later I still do not need to work when my kids are with me. What a blessing!  My challenge to you is instead of doing what your flesh desires, begin to put someone else first.  Ask God for Him to bring that person in your life so you can both learn to heal, focus and seek God first together.  Make a choice to put them first and watch what God does in your life.   Thank you God that you are a father first and set the tone for all fathers here on earth. No longer do I live but Christ lives within me .

"there is no physical or chemical solution to a spiritual problem"