If you were to ask most men what it means to be a Godly father, they would probably say to “be the protector the provider and the disciplinarian”. And I thought that way much of my adult life too sadly. By earthly standards I was regarded by anyone that knew me as a “great father” and “you’re even great with my kids”, or “I wish my kids had a dad like you”. The men always said the same thing; “you’ve been a good enough father”. But during this trial without my kids I needed to examine what God wanted, and not earthly standards. After all, I will be judged here by earthly standards and society but God will be the ultimate judge for me. While the Bible does say that being the protector, provider and disciplinarian is PART of the role of a Godly father, Jesus says the father is supposed to be head of his household (which causes major earthly emotions in this day and age) and lead his family and his wife and kids to God, and make sure Jesus is in his household every day and every way and that He (Jesus) is the most important thing in the household. As a Christian father you must resolve to take full responsibly for my family and how they are, how they act and how you hold them and yourselves accountable. In this message I was greatly convicted and God made it clear to me that there is no room in His house for “Good enough Fathers”.
What Makes You a Good Father in God’s Eyes
God gives us tremendous insight into what he calls us to be; Godly fathers living by His perfect example. I can tell you that as a father, I fell terribly short of this perfection and it made me feel like I deserved what I have been going through lately even though I and others would say it is unfair and cruel. Thankfully I serve a God of Mercy and he desires for me to learn from my mistakes and experiences and also that I take these learnings to other people so they may be spared some of the pain and suffering I have seen because of my choices or lack thereof. I want to share what God says each father needs to do/be if he intends to be a Godly father. There are many women out there being both the Godly mother and the Godly father and often times I see that they are better at it than some of us because they listen to God and sacrifice much more freely than us men. Make no mistake though men, God will hold us accountable for our role or lack thereof.
First and foremost, God says “make sure Jesus is in his household every day and every way and that He (Jesus) is the most important thing in the household”. I was always raised to believe this and know it and I thought I practiced it well but if you dig in deeply, I was wrong. See, I always made sure we prayed in the morning before our day and that we prayed at night for the kids and my wife was excellent in reminding the kids to pray when they were sad or hurt. But what I missed here in a big way was that maybe the most important thing as it pertains to this is actually living out and displaying faith and that God was number 1 in all times. I was terrible in good times because I wasn’t humbled enough yet to thank God and fall on my face for the blessings he gave me like I did when things were awful. I failed to make Him first in our finances and as my kids got old enough, I didn’t teach them to do it either. I failed to make Him first with what came out of my mouth. This one is the most painful for me because it can make wounds that only God can heal. You can read more about that in my other Blog here. I failed to make Him first in my failures. What I mean by that is that I wasn’t right in my heart and failed to give 100% of myself and life to Him and when things went bad and prayer didn’t help, I never once believed it was my fault. Are you failing in these areas as well?
Be honoring and faithful to your spouse in all ways. Pray for her daily and focus on her good traits not her faults. This is where the devil enters the scene when you fail to do this. I was terrible at this one as well. In my selfishness I focused only on what I saw that I wasn’t getting and where she fell short because I couldn’t hear what God was saying to me about where I was inadequate until now when I was 100% right with God. Are you honoring and being faithful to your spouse (even if she isn’t your wife anymore)? Is God speaking to you and you aren’t listening? Sometimes the hardest thing in the World is to pray for someone who is trying to harm you or doesn’t have your best interest in mind but I resolve to pray for those love me as well as those who persecute me or scheme against me. (Matthew 5:44)
Lay down your life for your spouse and kids is a big one that God is huge on as a Father. I feel like this one was a strong point and as I began to puff out my chest, God smacked me back in place and said “what about that time your words and your frustrations ruined all the times you stood up against the world for your wife and kids”. God always has a way to humble us and teach us if we just listen. It is still possible to fail in this area even though every single person in the world who knows me, knows that I would fiercely defend my family to the end. If I can fail in this area, I know most men are as well.
Teaching your kids that God fills all gaps in your life is also a role that you as a father needs to play. Your wife and kids need to see that you live this out in real life. Do you run to friends or others when sad? Your kids need to see you run to Jesus instead. Do you fill your voids and painful holes with booze or chemicals, or do your kids see you ask God to help you? Do you run to Jesus when your spouse fails you and leaves you feeling crushed or do your kids see you acting like a child to get your way? Where are you missing the mark on this one? If you can achieve this as a father, think about the impact that it will make in your kids lifetime. They wont fall to the evil one near as easily if we do our job.
This may be one of the most obvious ones , but it’s amazing how many things we never confess as sins over time because we don’t view them as bad. Therefore, a Godly “man Must learn from his mistakes and repent to the lord for forgiveness of his sins. ” God has been so gracious to me as He showed me all the real sins I had that went unaddressed, some for decades. He hit me in the face with this as I watched the movie “A Case For Christ” and I was sickened to see how much in common I had with a devout atheist like Lee Strobel. But there is joy in this story because if God can use one of the most anti-God people on the planet like Lee Strobel and turn him into a devout proclaimer of Christ that has singlehandedly brought millions to Christ, what can He do for me? Time will tell but I love that I serve a good who turns sinners into winners in Christ!
In summary, much is expected of us as fathers, and many of us will choose to not rise to the occasions. But as is always the case with God, much is also given to those who do rise for their wife and children. From now on, I will always choose to not only be that “Great father” by earthly standards, but to put my needs and desires aside for my children like never before. I want the favor and the blessing of the Lord on my family now and for generations. You are never guaranteed tomorrow, so dance with your kids, take that daddy daughter date and hug and kiss those babies more than they are used to because you will never regret it. You will never know how much you miss the little things like that until it’s ripped away from you. But I guarantee that Your children will never forget the impact it makes on them.
