As a believer in Jesus Christ, people always think it is easy to just trust in God and that the storms of life will never happen.  I could write a book about how many times I’ve failed at that because my experience has been the opposite.   I’ve been a doubter, easily upset when God “doesn’t provide” and quick to be distant from the Lord when I needed him the most.  What I didn’t understand is that God really does work all things for our good.  Even the painful yucky stuff.  It made me realize that he really does want to do the hard work for us if we trust him. We are told as Christians to “consider it pure joy when we go through trials” and I never knew how that was possible until recently.  I would like to share my story because I know God can use it to help others in the same boat.

The “Joy” of Self Employment

10 years ago, I was forced to begin my own consulting business full time and it was something I resisted and kicked and screamed the entire way until one day when I was at a men’s game feed at church listening to a rock and roll Christian version of “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.  God, clear as day told me that his plan for me was to “run my own business and use my entrepreneurial talents to help others just like you and along the way you will tell them about me. Your business will prosper, and your wife and kids will help you give back to others through nonprofit ventures”. He gave me specific visions of us living in Florida, being independently wealthy or self-sufficient, and my wife using her skills and great heart to reach out and use the resources we (and our clients) had to help those in need along with telling them about Jesus Christ.  As with any business, it was hard to get started but God eventually blessed it providing for my family and allowing my wife to not work for anyone other than part time for me.  As we all know, success can be gone in an instant and that was nearly the case with me and my company as well.  The major mistake that I made was chasing the big client because I didn’t see God’s vison happening for me soon enough and I needed to take matters into my own hands. I even used to tell clients “if your business succeeds but your marriage fails, is that a good thing?”  So foolish I was.  I call this time of my life “Wichita Vern”.  I had forced my way into the two largest clients of my life, and one was so large of scope that it even required me to buy a house in the aviation capital of the world Wichita, Ks.  Chasing both of these clients proved disastrous because it put so much stress on my beautiful wife and kids and made them travel with me to Kansas because I was down there 2-3 week per month.  I (later) found out that I consciously made a choice to forgo the good of my family and my spouse because 1)money was great and we had the freedom to do it while homeschooling and wife working for me etc., 2) it gave me a sense of what I thought God wanted for me; Important and successful, and  3) I didn’t have faith that the God of the universe that parted the red sea, rose from the dead, and knitted me together in my mother’s womb, that he couldn’t or wouldn’t fulfill His own destiny for me.  This is a disgrace and one major thing I never repented for and needed to because it was keeping me and my family from succeeding.  God used these two scenarios to make me crash and burn because it was the only way he knew that He could get my attention.  The one client turned out to be borderline criminal and reversed 6 months’ worth of pay to my company and the other broke contract at the same time.  The clients that I missed dates with my wife for, missed family dinners for, was on the cell phone at all hours of the night for, flight after flight for, moved on, cheated me over and left me reeling.  Then came this little thing called Covid within the next 18 months.  God was not done humbling me clearly.  Instead of me reaching deeper and deeper for God, I sat back shell shocked and resentful instead of humble and bitter instead of repentant.  My bitterness grew to where people closest to me didn’t recognize me at times.  The worst part is that I taught this mentality of  “hopelessness”  and that “God can’t or won’t do it for us so we need to do it on our own” to someone I loved more than anything in the world and now I see her making the same “Wichita Vern” decisions regardless of how much it affects those around her.   I learned the hard way that that mega client or that perfect high paying job can be used to by the devil to gain a foothold to lie, cheat, kill and steal our destiny from God.  I would give anything to have learned that lesson without the pain I felt and feel now but God’s timing is perfect and someday I will know why I had to lose my family to learn it.  As for God’s mission, I have been blessed to be able to do some of this and even though it looks bleak family wise now by earthly terms, I trust God‘s plan even more now than I did before. He isn’t done yet and neither is his destiny for me.   God has used me in the lives of several men in church and my business circle going through the same things and I was able to introduce them to the Love Dare and it has saved their marriages.  There is always a perfect plan by God because my plan C has always been God‘s plan A.

Just over 18 years ago, God blessed me with a beautiful woman, and she became my wife. She blessed me with 4 gorgeous, God loving children, and more importantly, she took me from a life of sin and shame and helped me find God again.  Before her I had left a terrible relationship with a pastor’s daughter that spanned 8 years and made me want nothing to do with God the way I was treated.  Even though she was young, she was wise enough to know that she needed God and so did I.  Of course, I resisted and because my pride and choices she made because of that pride, I almost lost her 13 years ago when we had only our oldest child at the time.  Thankfully, because of her getting me into a church, the pastor, who didn’t have to, took me aside and taught me more about loving a woman and your family than I ever knew. He called me selfish and showed me how. He sat and watched the movie “Fireproof” with me and introduced me to the “40 day Love Dare”.  God also used my mom, who was dying at the time and I will never forget what she told me.  She said “you do whatever you have to do to mend you family and put it back together no matter how much it hurts”.  These two things saved my life and ultimately my family.  Fast forward 18 years later, as I sit on the verge of losing my family as I know it again, I resolve this time to know that God is in control not me.  God has given me another warrior in my life name Rick Garwood from our church here in FL,  and Rick wasted no time is showing me my sin and making sure that I knew how to repent for them along with all the things that I have never asked for forgiveness for.  You see, what I never realized is that things that come out of my mouth can be a sin (and usually are with my sinful mouth), things that I did in my past and never asked for forgiveness for affect what happens in the present. He was also quick to remind me that God will work all things for my good and the good of my family who loves him.  Everyone needs a mentor along the way and meeting this man was not only a blessing for me but for me family.  He and others came into my life including one with a phone call and said “I met you years ago when you traveled down here and were searching for a church and I found your business card.  God urged me to call you”.  Things like this are not an accident and I call them miracles from Heaven. God can change hearts and give you the income you needed for 10 years overnight even when you see no possible way.  I’ve seen it happen.  That is why no matter what God has in store for us, I trust in Him and know that we are going to be ok.  Pray for my family please!

My story is far from over but I think its important to point out the miracles and things that God used in my life from the true story above.  Has he used similar miracles in yours that you didn’t realize were miracles at the time?  Lets look at each one.

  1.  God hand delivered me a woman that was so gorgeous and amazing directly to me when I wasn’t even looking.  He even had her chase me for almost one year before I said yes!  I swear to God that last part is true!  God knew that I was in a dark place and had he not given this woman to me, I would have burnt out on life and reckless lifestyle I was developing.
  2. The pastor in MN is another example.  He didn’t have to take time from his family and loved ones to mentor and call me out on my sin but he did.  His effort, after hours and hours of me complaining and crying out, resulted in 3 more gorgeous children being added to the family of Christ and 12 more years with my beautiful wife!  That alone is a miracle.
  3. My mother and her love was a miracle to me more times than I could ever count but none was bigger than when she made it her last mission to tell me to not just let my marriage and family walk away without a fight.  I will always be thankful for that message as it changed my life.
  4. The downfall of “Wichita Vern” was most certainly a miracle even though it almost cost my family everything.  God knew that I wouldn’t change as long as I hung to the crutch of good money and prestige and he decided to take both right as we ran into Covid.  Whenever your desire and purpose for life is tied to money or a job, God is going to remove that and replace it with the one true purpose; Him!
  5. Meeting Rick at others at the Chapel CC was noting short of a miracle either.  Not only does Rick have personal experience in what I’m going through, he is trusted by the church to counsel couples in my exact situation.  He has been awesome to love me enough to call me out on my BS why also showing me that the unjust things be done to me are to show me that I need Jesus and that only he can fix the issues on Earth and in my Marriage.  I am scared to think where I might be had Rick not made it his mission to get me through this storm.  I will always love that man!
  6. The new neighbor that you met once and he shows up at the hospital when he notices you haven’t been home, or the neighbor that can hear you pray and cry out in the shower every day who tells you “I wish I had faith like you” are miracles.  Or the woman at the Sam’s club door who stops the line of people to tell me that “god wants me to know that you are loved and we are praying for you” is a miracle that I cannot explain in any other way than God.
  7. My health is another miracle not mentioned in here but is a huge part of my story.  As I write this I am in the hospital for major internal bleeding exactly like what my mother had and died from and the doctors couldn’t find it despite 4 different procedures.  History repeats itself because God knows that when I’m the most helpless and silent, he can change and use me the most.  As I woke up today, they no longer could find any blood loss and I walked out of the hospital this morning as if noting had happened! God is so good!

Parting Advice

I could write a book in the ways that I have failed as a man and father but God has always been faithful and used my shortcomings and the fact that I never accept failure (especially when it comes to my family) for the betterment of His Kingdom including putting families back together and more! I hope sharing some of these personal stories gives you hope in your battle against the Great Deceiver! Here are some things that helped me:

  1.  When I was the most distant from the Lord, that is when my mouth got me into trouble, when things didn’t go right in my personal life, and when I blamed God instead of myself. I recommend that you read the bible daily using something as simple as one Psalm and one Proverb.  if you do this, it is impossible to not find God there with you.
  2. Find a godly mentor who teaches biblical truth not worldly truth.  The world will tell you to leave your wife or husband and find someone better.  God will tell you “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” Mark 10:9 and 1Corinthians 7:11 is just for us men “men should not divorce their wives”.  When we marry we say for better or worse and most people really just mean for better.  Stand strong and vow to never go against God but instead to go against those who tell you the opposite.  I promise it won’t end well when you go against what is written in the bible
  3. God will bring the rain when he is ready and often times that time is delayed because the soil of our heart isn’t ready.  Take a hard look at yourself if the answer is no from God. Is your heart right?  Here is a great sermon on that from our church.
  4. God says “pride before the fall” (Proverbs 16:18).  In almost all areas of conflict and strife in life, you can trace back to pride.  Husbands and wives leave each other every day because the only thing they focus on is the faults and the negatives of their spouse. I choose to remember the 98% or 99% of the time in my marriage that was good where we shared inside jokes and amazing times that many couples will never experience instead of the bad.
  5. Use resources that are out there.  I love the Love Dare because if you want to see just how guilty of falling short for your spouse you really are, just spend 10 days doing that dare and you will be ashamed.  This goes for both men and women and I promise it will teach you how to love you spouse more like Jesus loves us!
  6. One thing that helped me a lot was discovering the powers of the courts of heaven.  When God hasn’t answered your prayers, it is usually because he is unbale to legally because the devil has a reason to keep god from granting your prayer.   Pastor Robert Henderson cuts through that and teaches you how to overcome this issue.

My final parting advice is Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Whatever God has in store for me in the future, I know that it will be more joyous, more prosperous and more God honoring that the first 2/3 of my life has been simply because I choose to trust in Him 100% regardless of how I feel, what “my heart” wants or what the world tells me is the right thing to do.  There is only one way to happiness regardless of your situation and that is through the never-ending love of Jesus Christ.  We would love to hear your struggles and your God success stories!  Comment below or contact us directly!