The Challenge of the Tongue

“It is Satan’s #1 goal is to split the Christian relationships of this world in order to interfere with the Kingdom of Heaven. The number one weapon he uses is your own tongues.”

Dr. Tony Evans- Kingdom Marriage

The tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body and therefore it is no surprise that the Bible has lots to say about its power (1 Peter 3:10, Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 15:1, James 1:26; Psalm 141:3 etc.) just to name a few. The Bible actually has 106 verses dedicated to the tongue and how it must be tamed! After listening to Dr. Tony Evans on this subject and reading everything I could on spiritual warfare, I would venture to bet that the number one cause of divorce came from what came out of our mouths. If those course words and painful barbs could have been stopped in the beginning, the rest of the battle would have never happened. God challenged me to do something and I would love to pass this challenge on to you. Are you ready for a challenge?

Challenge of the Tongue

One day when I was grumbling to God about not deserving what I was getting, the Lord in his wisdom said “check your messages.” At first I had no idea what that meant and I sat there worried for a while. Was I going to get more bad news via email? After praying more the next day, God stuck in my head a statement that I made via text to my wife. My first thought was “I never said that”. Sadly, that statement and much worse were true when I went back and checked. I sat there dumbfounded and honestly sickened to the point where it made me depressed like never before for a period of 2-3 days. After struggling to get out of bed and do anything and not answering the phone for days other than for my kids, Pastor Rick came to my house and did a welfare check on me. He made me get up and prayed and cried with me until the Holy Spirit took over. They both challenged me to share this story to help others just like me (us). After 2 months, I am finally emotionally ready to share this “Challenge”. The challenge set forth from God was simple. Here it is:

*Go back and read the last 6 months worth of text messages and instant messages to your spouse and ask the following questions:

Were my words kind to her? Did they make her feel worthy of love and respect? Did she deserve the way you spoke to her?
If others read those words, would they ever believe that you love the Lord God? Would they respect you?
Are the words that you used (not directed at her but sent to her about others) honoring to God and capable of building a Kingdom for Christ?
What if your children heard or read these words? Would you be ashamed?

After seeing these simple questions, you can see why it almost crippled me to answer these questions. The opposite of the Holy Spirit had infected my thought process so much that I was unable to decipher right from wrong. even worse, I had no recall of even saying things that bad. Since accepting the Holy Spirt back in my life, speaking like that seemed impossible. While I never ever said no to my wife about anything and worked hard to give her everything, I destroyed it all with one text every day. Becasue I never said no to my wife, Satan used that to make me feel like she wasn’t worthy of that and not only that, but that she gave other things to other people that she wouldn’t do or give to me and the war was on! Do you see how the spiritual game is played by Satan? He feeds us with negative thoughts that make us eventually say hurtful things, that drive a response from the one we hurt, and then we take it further. The cycle never ends without God. So how do we fix this?

How Do We Fix the Problem of Our Tongue?

Ask for God to forgive you, to change you and to save you (John3:16) if you are not saved currently.
If you are saved already like I was, ask God to forgive your sins and then ask for the Holy Spirt to come along with you and guide you and give you discernment of right and wrong in this area. Ask Him to help you accept that you were wrong and that you were the cause of the war in your marriage. (hint, this one was really hard to accept….). Since I asked this to happen, it is amazing to me to see how quickly the Holy Spirt slaps my mouth shut or causes me to repent when I go astray. We need this as men of God!
Ask your spouse to forgive you and show her a specific example. “honey I have sinned against you with my words and I want to make it right”.*
1. “I cant believe you did that. How stupid are you?” should be– “Honey, what made you do it that way? Can I share with you another way”?
2. “That woman is such a c**t” Should be – that teacher is hurting our son with our words. Lets pray for her and ask God to show us how to fix it”. The devil hates a praying couple more than anything because it opens power to your prayer that you never had before. (1Corinthians 7)
3. “Our kids are animals and ridiculous. They are unteachable”. Should be- “Honey our kids seem to be acting up worse, what do we need to do to get back on the same page”.

*if you are unable to speak to her due to separation, ask the Holy Spirt to intervene and let her know your new heart.

Finish your discussion with your wife with a prayer. “Heavenly father, please help my words to my wife to be horning and cherishing so that she may actually see the love and affection that I truly have for her. Help her to forgive me for any way that I have hurt her and allow her to let me begin again anew. In your name I pray Lord, amen.”

If you are able to change the way you speak (and text) to your spouse, the two of you can withstand any spiritual or worldly attack and your children will grow up to know how to do the same. The alternative is a generation after you that is ripe for the picking for the evil one. Our choices have consequences and so do our lack of choices to change.

“If God can get you back into alignment against the evil one and back in covenant(with God) with your wife, he can give you back the years you lost being stuck overnight. Fight For your Marriage!”