The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem: 2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless. Everything is meaningless.”
The first time I read the book of Ecclesiastes (known as the book of Vanity by some) back in March, I thought wow this guy is a depressed and whacked. Soon I began to realize that this man could be any one of us men in the world. In fact, he turned out to be me. This book is written by Solomon who was the son of David. King David, who God said “is a man after my own heart” even thought he was a sinner, adulterer and worse….. His son Solomon led a luxury life where he had everything he could possibly want or need and yet he had such a hole in his mind, body, and soul that you could drive a Mack truck through it. I, as a selfish man, related to this book so very much and it, in part, changed my life. You might be asking yourself how can one of the richest most blessed human beings on the planet be depressed in this situation that he is in. That is the $1 million question that I am trying to answer here today.
Filling that Void
2 I said to myself, “Come now, I will test my body with pleasures to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless. 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them 7 I bought male and female slaves . I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem as well—the delights of a man’s heart. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. 20 So my heart began to despair over all that I had.
Ecclesiastes 2
In the verses above Solomon talks about how he had the world at his disposal. He had endless money, endless servants, endless lovers and anything that any human being on the planet at the time could want. And yet the last verse, verse 20 “so my heart began to despair over all that I had”. At the end he was just as miserable or more than he was before he tried anything and everything to fill that void in his life. Sound familiar to any of you? I lived that same feeling sadly and I had what 99% of the population will never have. What it comes down to is that in life every human being is built with a longing and the need for something more than what they have. My personal belief is that most of the addictions in life come from this need to fill that void and using the wrong things to fill it such as people, chemicals, toys, and more. I can relate to this so very much in my life. I had a gorgeous home with money to spare, and a beautiful family that most men would pray to have and I sat back and said the same thing Solomon did. I have learned that this is far more common with us men than women but women also do this as well because they are not immune to the longing to fill that void. women fill that emotional need in much the same way. As humans if we think we are lonely, I will find someone to fill that void that will be better than what I have. We have a desire for love so we find another lover to fill that void even if that person turns out to be short term gratification and might be even worse that what I have. We feel pain, so we self medicate. We are lonely and we seek others. We never think about the consequences until after the fact and we definitely don’t put God first in this equation ever. What I have learned over all of this time is that no matter what we fill that void with, if it is not God, that void will only get larger and more needy. That longing and need for something goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were separated from God by their sin (Genesis 3:7-10) and every human being after that was born of a sinful nature needing to have that void filled in their life. It took me 46 years, 9 different churches, thousands of people met, countless pastors, thousands of prayers, dozens of broken hearts and bad memories, and a wake of destruction large enough to choke a nation for me to figure our what was right in front of me the entire time. Our happiness does not come from things. Our happiness and provision only comes from one place. And our sense of satisfaction, respect and love can only be met fully if we love someone other than people. Your spouse and people will always going to let you down and if we listen to the world, “just get a new one” is the answer you will get. We need to find God, repent of our sins and then and only then can we see that God meets ALL needs. My personal belief coupled with what I have witnessed in recent months, is that this is the main thing that can help you overcome most addictions and need to have that void filled. People do not believe that you can be delivered from your sin and addiction so “easily”, but I have seen it first hand and in my life personally so and I can tell you that is is true. When that void is filled for good buy something other than earthly things, the desire to crave those addictions that you used to throw in there disappear. I would be the first to laugh at this message in the past , but given what I know now, I will never stop speaking of it because if I can save one person the pain that I have felt and caused, it is worth it.
Practical Suggestions
I have learned some practical things that can help immensely during this process. Learning from and working with other men that have been going through the same things that I have been over the last 8-9 months, I have learned what to put first in my life and what to cast towards God. The first step is the hardest for men.
- Realize that you need God in your daily life, that you are selfish and a sinner, and the cause of most relationship issues in your life is you. You are also responsible for how your family is and behaves and if they are in chaos, you are accountable. You need to repent to God and ask for forgiveness (John 3:16) and for God to show you how to be the man that that world needs to see.
- If you are one of the few (sadly most men wont agree with the first step and I didn’t either even when give a book called “It’s Mostly Your Fault” years ago) that can get past step one, your next step is genuine repentance to God. I don’t mean worldly repentance. We all do this, but I;m talking about repenting to the Father. The best example that explains the difference between worldly and Godly repentance I can give would be infidelity. If you are caught cheating on your spouse, most people find it natural to ask their spouse to forgive them. That is worldly repentance. But what you need to do is beg God to forgive you because you sinned not only against your spouse, but against the covenant that God made with Families(research what 4 covenants God made with his children; Marriage, Family, church and civil authority). The same thing applies to premarital sex and any other sins. They are committed against God as much as people and destroys the covenant that we have with God. When right with God, you then need to make it right with the spouse and others that you scarred for life. Only then can true forgiveness and reconciliation happen. Apply this method to the sins you have committed and you will begin to see changes happen that you have prayed years for and couldn’t get answered.
- Make God and His Kingdom purpose your number 1 goal. This is where I will lose the majority of you that made it past steps one and two. I have had dozens of conversations with men and some women too about this and their number one reason that this isn’t feasible is that “I am just to busy to read the bible daily and pray all day”. These are the same people who can tell you anything and everything that is happening in the gossip column, or what sports teams won last night, or are the men that are viewing inappropriate content online, the ladies gossiping over the phone about the latest rumors and so on…… need I continue? The bottom line is that we make time for what we feel is important. Furthermore, we cannot know what God’s kingdom purpose is without being in his living word and daily communication and prayer with Him. the choice is yours.
- Take that void to God and let Him fill it. This is crucial and I will give you a real-world example. If you are disconnected and upset with your spouse and you go to other people, places or things to fill that void (especially if they are sexual or illegitimate), all you will feel is shame or anger later about it because the void was only filled temporarily even if it felt 100% right while doing it. In the end, your void is like a stomach. The more stuff you throw in it, the larger that belly gets. Romans 1:18-32 tells you what happens if you choose to fill that void with earthly and fleshly things. But if you do it God’s way, watch the void (and your addiction urges) shrink! Sit down with your spouse and pray with them to God about your issue. Watch both of your hearts change towards each other (Ezekiel 36:26) as the void becomes smaller. Some of you may say “my spouse wont pray with me”. 1 peter 3:1-2 tells you all that you need to know in that case: …… if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives , 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. This also works for husbands too. Your actions will always speak louder than your words especially when you actions change and those closest to you can see that change.
- Remember, celebrate, and thank God for all the good He brings. This one is crucial because as you develop your relationship with God the evil one will try to interfere like you have never seen before. He will fill your head with double-minded thought processes and tell you things like “your sin cannot be forgiven”, or “You can never change”. The evil one will also tell those closest to you the same things and worse which is why they will not believe your change is legit. Stand firm in the Holy Spirit and let God fight for you. Ephesians 6:10-18 is a great model of how this battle can be won because the battle belongs to God and people on this earth are not your enemy.
In Summary
Solomon was vain and his life had no meaning until he turned to God to fill that void in his life. When he did. Everything changed. I encourage you to read the rest of Ecclesiastes and find out for yourself. Filling the void with God does not mean giving up all that makes you happy outside of God, it means inviting God into those things (or removing them if they go against his Will) and prioritizing what is in accordance with Gods priority sequence. This is a lesson I wish I learned before I ever get married or even dated and my hope and prayer for you is it can be used to save you tons of heartache and loss. I used to think that “if i only had that boat, or that Cadillac, or that type of mega client, or that house”... get the picture? We need to put God first and then all things will be revealed.
In the words of Dr Tony Evans, he sums this up perfectly: “Where’s the Man?” or in other words, “Adam, Where you at”
“If you are a messed up man and you have a family, you will make your contribution to a messed up family. If you are a messed up man and your messed up family goes to church, then your messed up family will make its contribution to a messed up church. If your messed up church is supposed to be the light to the neighborhood and those oppressed, then your messed up church will make its contribution to a messed up neighborhood. If your neighborhood is part of a city, then your messed up neighborhood will make its contribution to a messed up city. If your messed up city is part of a county, then your messed up city will make its contribution to a messed up county. If your messed up county resides in a state, then your messed up county will make its contribution to a messed up state. If your messed up state belongs to a country, then your messed up state will will make its contribution to a messed up country. If your messed up country is part of the world, then your messed up country will will make its contribution to a messed up world.
So if you want a better world composed of better families, churches, cities, counties, states and the world, We have to start by becoming better men!”
