“The Truth is always simple and quiet. It’s the lies that are loud and complicated.”
Dr. Tony Evans
One of the things that you can guarantee about God is that he will continue to put people in your life that are going through the exact same thing that you just survived and His expectation is that you help them survive, thrive, and then teach them how to help others just like what was done for you before. I have graciously been doing that for sometime now and one of the things that I continuously get asked is “ how should I know if what is happening or what I want to do is God’s will and plan?” This is $1 million question. I want to tell a story not to shame anyone but because I’ve heard dozens and dozens of similar stories just like it in the last year and if it helps just one person, I believe it’s worth it. I had a young female business connection open up to me last week with a story that was shockingly close to my personal experience in life and it stopped me in my tracks. She was distraught as she told me that she had filed for divorce nine months ago against her husband because he was an “adulterer”, but mostly because she just was unhappy with him over the past year before filing. She said he was mean and called her names and she didn’t feel loved. They had children together and as always happens, the battle ensued with the kids in the middle. She talked about being “destroyed”, “devastated” and “distraught” when her husband immediately moved on and moved in with another woman and then proceeded to introduce the children to this woman “before they were even ready”. So then what she did was try to do the same and moved in with a man because that’s what her friends in church and work told her to do. They were also a major influence on her signing and filing for the divorce in the first place, citing that she deserves to be happy. What neither one of them realized is that because she was still legally married and married under the covenant that God has with us married people, both her and her husband were committing adultery (Exodus 20:14, Luke 16:18, Matthew 19:6, Matthew 19:8-12).* Rest assured that no relationship that they were in could be blessed by God (Proverbs 8:13, Proverbs 28:9) and chaos ensued in both their lives. She soon found that out shortly after the divorce was finalized when her “whole world fell apart”. The man that she had moved in with was not the man she thought he was, and after introducing the children to him as well (now the second time they had to go through this), the relationship completely disintegrated, along with all kinds of calamity and dysfunction. She was forced to move out, had no money since she had spent over $60k on attorney fees and now had a vehicle payment for a Yukon Denali that wasn’t even in her possession and happened to be in his name as well as hers on the loan. Because they weren’t married she had no recourse to get the vehicle back and still has to keep making the payment for 5 more years. so sad because in reality she moved in with him out of “Necessity” more than love. She cried as she told me that she used to brag about how “this transition was for the best for her and her children and at least she had money now to finally do it” and that “everything was going to be better if she could just get away from her husband”. But after it was all said and done the saddest thing she said to me was that she wanted to divorce, and now she “sits here alone by herself every night, second-guessing everything after she lost everything”. Her children are failing classes in school and need counseling as they are having issues with both parents. Worst of all, she knows that she’s sinned against God. One good note about this story is that I was able to share that God forgives all sins (1John 1:19) I tell the story so that others can understand that if others like her would’ve gotten biblical counsel instead of worldly counsel, this divorce probably never would’ve happened. Thankfully our father in Heaven, has outlined that just like everything else in His word so that we do not need to know whether it is God’s will or not.
The Big Test
I believe, and I have been taught that this process of discerning whether it is God’s will or God‘s plan can be discovered both through the Holy Spirit that works within you if you have received that gift and through these five tests based on biblical principals. I love the fact that the Bible outlines everything we need in cases exactly like this.
The first test, and I believe is one of the biggest is that there will be Peace for all involved if it is, God‘s will (Roman’s 15:33). If it is not God‘s, will, you can rest, assured that one or more people involved in the situation will not be at peace, and there might even be war. Whenever you are at war with some person, or at odds with some person, be assured it is not God’s will. God is the God of peace (Romans 5:1, Romans 8:31-39). You personally should also have peace. If you have anxiety, stress, second guessing, it is not from God. If you were stressing about how the mortgage is going to get paid or put food on the table and God has not given you peace about those things my guess would be you are not living within God’s will or plan. I know this from personal experience. As soon as I got back in alignment with God and His plan for me and his purpose for me, all of these things went away. I have peace and situations and circumstances that never should be possible. If you’re searching for peace or have none, look for a different course that is God’s will.
The second test, and maybe the most important to do any single time you have concern about if you’re on the right path is, does It align with God’s word and Jesus teaching? (psalm 138:2). The Bible says in the end times there will be many false teachers and false doctrines, and that we need to compare everything with the Word (Matthew 3:16-17). The world will tell you a lot of things are OK, and your friends will be doing things that do not follow God‘s law. They may even criticize you because you refuse to do them as well. But if it doesn’t line up with God’s law, his word, or Jesus teaching, and you are planning to do it, I guarantee it is not his will. God‘s will will never include anything that is a sin against his nature, or his covenant with his people and He promises consequences if we do (1 john 3:9).
Another sure fire way to know if what you are doing is part of God‘s will is that you will automatically see god’s desires and laws become my desire and my law (Psalm 37:4). Everything that’s important to God will become more important to you. All the things that you used to love to do that may have violated His covenants will no longer bring you pleasure. You will hunger and thirst for the Holy Spirit, and for the things that please God (Matthew 5:6). Sins that you used to commit without thinking now give you the sickest feeling in your stomach ever. That is how you know that you have the Holy Spirit alive inside of you guiding you towards God’s will.
Another thing that can be found in Scripture as it relates to understanding and discerning God’s will is that whatever is in question Will not violate God’s love for you or others (1John 4:8). If what you were considering or contemplating breaks the heart, the trust, or the love of someone that God loves (which is all of us ) then there is no way that it can be from God. While God allows trials, he never removes love from any situation (1John 4:7-21).
The last part that I believe we are taught as it relates to knowing if it’s God‘s will, Biblical elders and leaders will affirm it with you (Proverbs 11:14). The problem today is that most people will go to their friends or other people in the church that are not part of the elders or leadership. The problem with taking their advice will always be based on feelings and emotions instead of biblical principal, which should come from the church leaders. If you were on the fence, you should be running whatever you’re struggling with by the church leader ship to see if it’s biblical. Imagine how many marriages could be saved if this happened instead counsel from friends who mean well but aren’t the ones that have to live through the divorce.
Summary
This topic is near and dear to my heart, because every single week these questions come up. “How do I know if it is God’s will” is the number one asked question both in our men’s group, but also with me professionally. My experience has been that nothing is it reconcilable. Not even the story mentioned above where the divorce is “final” in world view. I have seen God work miracles that everyone said was impossible. All things are possible with God (Matthew 19:26) and with biblical counsel instead of counsel from friends. The children in the story above could’ve been saved from knowing two other partners of their parents, having to deal with a custody battle, bouncing back-and-forth from house and house, moving to new homes, selling their belongings, being torn out of extracurricular activities and schools and Lord knows what else those poor babies had to endure. Jesus said : “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6). The husband and wife might have been spared the life scarring pain they had to feel and will now carry into any situation. The only people that won in this situation were the attorneys involved, and everyone else suffered. My advice to her was the same as what I was told. God hates divorce and that all sins can be forgiven (Malachi 2:16, Matthew 19:6, Matthew 19:8-12) The summary here is be careful whose advice you follow, especially if you choose and want to follow God in your life. You can’t make decisions and choices that dishonor God and his covenant with people and expect God to honor those choices and decisions.
*If you would like to know more about the biblical covenant of marriage, Gods plan for it, and his laws regarding it, the sermon series from Dr Tony Evans is perfect for you.
