Parental alienation is demonic because it simply requires you to constant turn the other cheek, not fight for yourself and always, no matter how hard it is, to suffer in peace. Divorce changes a family. But sometimes the damage goes further. For some parents, one of the most painful experiences is watching a child who once adored them slowly pull away and even reject contact. When that shift happens, some people use the term parental alienation. It’s important to say that not every situation fits that pattern, and children can pull back for many reasons. But when a child starts echoing adult-sounding accusations or feels guilty about wanting to see a parent, it’s a signal that the child is carrying more than they should in life. A child should never have to choose one parent or the other for fear of how the one will act if they do not get their way. I know parents who always allow the children to have a day or two extra time with the non timeshare parent while the other parent will simply never allow even ten minutes of their time”. sometimes the excuses are that they “don’t want a wonky schedule” but the reality is that its all about control. As parents, the instinct is to prove the truth, to fight the narrative, but that risks putting the child squarely in the middle. again, its demonic and is a lose lose for the parent being alienated. What helps more is refusing to make them choose. You can say, “You never have to choose between parents. I love you, and I’m here.” Keep showing up. Make space for normal time together. No interrogations, no counter-attacks, and document facts quietly, dates, events, not labels. And get legal advice when needed. A therapist experienced with high-conflict family work can be crucial. In cases where this is violating a lawful court order, it may be necessary to fix it, but again you run the risk of pushing the kids further away because it will most certainly be used against you with the kids. Overcoming this isn’t about winning a fight; it’s about protecting the possibility of a relationship. And sometimes the most powerful message a parent can give is, “I won’t make you pick a side. My door and my heart stay open” even if this sadly means that you can lose years of time that you will never get back. Work with the other parent to understand the reasoning that this is happening and document everything. One thing that I have done in the past is to keep a journal with facts and actual events versus the made up narrative and how it made you feel. This will be helpful in the event of alienation because most likely it wont be just your kids that the violator tries to alienate you from. Its a way to keep your sanity and also have a record when the children do begin to wonder and questions the false narrative, often times many years later.
